After the unpleasant sickly soba experience of our last food review, we’re sticking with the sandwich theme. This time it’s FamilyMart providing a hotdog shaped adventure into the world of conbini sandwich madness.
It feels necassary to point out that I don’t like pistachios very much. And I don’t really enjoy pistachio flavoured things, most particularly pistachio ice cream. So it was arguably a moment of madness when I took this sandwich off the shelf during a short break between classes at work. Once I sat down to eat it, I immediately regretted my choice. What was I thinking? With no time to go back and buy something else I had no option but to pack away my pistachio prejudices and try it.
And it turns out I had nothing to worry about, because despite saying “pistachio” on it’s packaging, despite being a shade of grassy light green, the cream in this sandwich didn’t taste of pistachios. Not even a little bit. It tasted more like vanilla, or just overly sweet cream. I was shocked really. Having prepared myself for total disgust, I was a little underwhelmed. Perhaps it was a labelling mistake, perhaps the factory ran out of refined-pistachio-extract-concentrate-essance-oil. Regardless, I was honeslty dissapointed in how dissapointed I was able to be.
The bread on the other hand provided a much more satisfactory amount of displeasure. It was dry, it was rough, and made a weird sound when ripped or teared. It made a noise very similar to paper when ripped apart. It wasn’t quite as sweet as a lot of other bread I’ve tried in Japan, which was its only saving grace.
On the topic of surprises, and returning to the cream filling, it felt weirdly different when touched and when eaten. It was firm when touched, but when eaten it dissolved so quickly it was almost as though it didn’t exist. It was almost like one of those non-Newtonian fluids, you know those ones that are liquid if you touch them softly but if you punch them they’re like a solid. The non-pistachio pistachio cream was like that, and not in a good way.
Overall, I’m quite underwhelmed by all of this. Perhaps it serves me right for making such an obviously poor choice to start with. No weird sandwiches next time. Rating: 0.00001mg of real pisatchio.
Ben Dean-Titterrell 
As a member of the NPPCS (non-pistachio pistachio cream society,) I am very disappointed to hear how disappointed you are in our product.
Our products, such as the overly priced pistachio ice cream bars, which might as well be vanilla and green food dye, and pistachio chocolate covered pistachio, which is just white chocolate covered macadamia nuts, are meant to elicit a false sense of belief that pistachio are indeed a real nut and not macadamia nuts just trying to rebrand.
We hope the next time you review one of our products they reach and exceed your standards.
Sincerely,
Mac C.A. Deymia
(Founder and proud member of NPPCS)
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