Ben Dean-Titterrell

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Tag: Prime Minister

Parliamentary Roasts of the Week: W/C 16/07/18

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Chamber of the House of Commons” by UK Parliament / CC BY 3.0 / Fire are 100 emojis placed upon original image

In an attempt to prove that the least appreciated of the UK’s age-old parliamentary conventions is MPs and Peers roasting each other, I’ve started a new project for this blog. Every week I’ll aim to bring you the best quips, one-liners, and straight fire roasts dished out in the Palace of Westminster.

W/C 16/07/18

We’re kicking off this week with a look at PMQs, one of the most reliable sources of Parliamentary roasts. This week, however, was a significant dissapointment. There wasn’t a single good joke in the exchanges between the Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition. The only passably decent jab from anyone in the whole session was from the SNP’s Ian Blackford.

https://videoplayback.parliamentlive.tv/Player/Index/7641cd17-e739-4e5a-ad65-96ba5b74ec62?in=2018-07-18T12%3A21%3A45%2B01%3A00&out=2018-07-18T12%3A21%3A58%2B01%3A00&audioOnly=False&autoStart=False&statsEnabled=True

“[…]a Prime Minister who is in office but not in power[…]”

This isn’t even good to be honest. In a regular week we wouldn’t even feature it, but this session was so devoid of good banter that this is the highlight.

ROAST RATING: ONE OUT OF FIVE

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It’s now Thursday and the new Brexit Secratary Dominic Raab is anwering questions from MPs. All fairly run of the mill until Conservative MP Chris Green unleashes what I’m sure he thought was a truly savage roast.

https://videoplayback.parliamentlive.tv/Player/Index/5c43cc6a-b79c-46ba-b6e6-8a7451366f5e?in=2018-07-19T10%3A25%3A54%2B01%3A00&out=2018-07-19T10%3A26%3A25%2B01%3A00&audioOnly=False&autoStart=False&statsEnabled=True

“Does my right hon. Friend agree that to have a second referendum would undermine the democratic process and that anyone calling in this place for a second referendum should perhaps step down, have a by-election and ask for a second opinion on themselves?”

‘Got em! You like second referendums, huh? Well how do you like second elections? Huh?! How do you like them apples?’ – Chris Green’s internal monologue, probably

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Bonus House of Lords Roast

The Commons was so devoid of roasts this week that we’re forced to turn to the House of Lords to see if there’s anyone spitting fire in the Palace of Westminster. I was only able to have a quick look through, but I found one quip worthy of inclusion from Labour’s Lord Touhig on Monday on the NATO summit.

https://videoplayback.parliamentlive.tv/Player/Index/b63acf5f-9d8c-4ecf-a33b-74aec988921c?in=2018-07-16T17%3A05%3A52%2B01%3A00&out=2018-07-16T17%3A06%3A04%2B01%3A00&audioOnly=False&autoStart=False&statsEnabled=True

“However, to date transatlantic unity is undermined by the President of the United States. We never know what Mr Trump will say next—and, frankly, I suspect that nor does Mr Trump.”

It’s not imaginative; yeah we get it Trump’s stupid. But the delivery was good and, frankly, I’m clutching at straws this week. Lord Touhig’s our first Peer roaster, and until we have another he holds the honourary title of Lord of Roasts.

ROAST RATING: TWO OUT OF FIVE

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Roaster of the week

The last thing to do is crown our Roaster of the Week. He seemed so damn pleased with his effort that it would unfair to give it to anyone but Chris Green.

My time may not be particularly valuable, but it certainly is limited. If you’ve spotted a roast in Parliament that you think is worthy of being included in Roast of the Week, let me know by contacting me.

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Parliamentary Roasts of the Week: W/C 09/07/18

Head image

Chamber of the House of Commons” by UK Parliament / CC BY 3.0 / Fire are 100 emojis placed upon original image

In an attempt to prove that the least appreciated of the UK’s age-old parliamentary conventions is MPs and Peers roasting each other, I’ve started a new project for this blog. Every week I’ll aim to bring you the best quips, one-liners, and straight fire roasts dished out in the Palace of Westminster.

W/C 09/07/18

Kicking things off with the first ever Parliamentary Roast of the Week is this fire from Jeremy Corbyn in response to the Prime Minister’s statement on Brexit from Monday. With David Davis and Boris Johnson resigning their cabinet posts within the proceeding 24 hours of the PM’s statement, Theresa May was a sitting duck.

https://videoplayback.parliamentlive.tv/Player/Index/eab0ae9f-688b-4633-93c3-6ccd28696dad?in=2018-07-09T15%3A50%3A33%2B01%3A00&out=2018-07-09T15%3A51%3A11%2B01%3A00&audioOnly=False&autoStart=False&statsEnabled=True

“To be fair—I want to be fair to the former Brexit Secretary and the former Foreign Secretary—I think they would have resigned on the spot on Friday, but they were faced with a very long walk, no phone and, due to Government cuts, no bus service either. So I think they were probably wise to hang on for a couple of days so they could get a lift home in a Government car.”

Corbyn’s jab landed on David Davis, Boris Johnson, the Prime Minister, and the government more widely. One roast, four hits.

ROAST RATING: THREE OUT OF FIVE
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Theresa May didn’t hold back in her response to the Leader of the Opposition on Monday, giving back some banter of her own. Under that much pressure, the heat of the roasts she got in was admirable.

https://videoplayback.parliamentlive.tv/Player/Index/eab0ae9f-688b-4633-93c3-6ccd28696dad?in=2018-07-09T15%3A55%3A12%2B01%3A00&out=2018-07-09T15%3A55%3A33%2B01%3A00&audioOnly=False&autoStart=False&statsEnabled=True

“The right honourable Gentleman has been in this House for quite a long time, and I know that he will have heard many statements. The normal response to a statement is to ask some questions. I do not think that there were any questions anywhere in that; nevertheless I will—[Interruption.]”

https://videoplayback.parliamentlive.tv/Player/Index/eab0ae9f-688b-4633-93c3-6ccd28696dad?in=2018-07-09T15%3A56%3A28%2B01%3A00&out=2018-07-09T15%3A56%3A37%2B01%3A00&audioOnly=False&autoStart=False&statsEnabled=True

“At the beginning of his response, he thanked me for giving him early sight of my statement. It is just a pity that he obviously did not bother to read it.”

I’ve included two quotes here from May’s reply. (The custom will be to treat any roasts in the same contribution as part of a larger encompassing roast.) Both coming in hot on the banter-metre. Lots of thinking on the feet action here.

ROAST RATING: THREE OUT OF FIVE
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Someone I didn’t expect to ever feature in Roasts of the Week was Iain Duncan Smith. The quiet man made a quip about the Labour leader and his shadow cabinet. A well-worn road to go down if you’re looking to roast Jeremy Corbyn, but the delivery was strong.

https://videoplayback.parliamentlive.tv/Player/Index/eab0ae9f-688b-4633-93c3-6ccd28696dad?in=2018-07-09T15%3A58%3A02%2B01%3A00&out=2018-07-09T15%3A58%3A17%2B01%3A00&audioOnly=False&autoStart=False&statsEnabled=True

“Whatever one’s view might be on the plan that my right honourable Friend has been talking about, I urge her not to accept a single recommendation from the Leader of the Opposition, as nobody else in his party does so.”

For the sheer achievement of even making it into Roasts of the Week, something he may never manage again, IDS gets our highest rating so far.

ROAST RATING: FOUR OUT OF FIVE
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This Wednesday featured a rare PMQs session in which the Prime Minister and the Leader of Opposition didn’t feature. Instead, they sent stand-ins, Cabinet Minister David Lidington took Theresa May’s role and Shadow Foreign Secretary Emily Thornbery took the Leader of the Opposition’s place. Thornberry came straight out of the block with a football themed shot at the Government.

https://videoplayback.parliamentlive.tv/Player/Index/7ba73d45-f34d-4679-a138-c9c3fe2f0ac7?in=2018-07-11T12%3A08%3A42%2B01%3A00&out=2018-07-11T12%3A09%3A28%2B01%3A00&audioOnly=False&autoStart=False&statsEnabled=True

“Let me wish Gareth Southgate and the England team the best of luck for this match and hopefully for the final on Sunday. I may know very little about football, but even I can see that England’s progress so far at the World cup shows what can be achieved when all the individual players work effectively as a team, when there is a clear game plan, when they are all working together and, of course, when everyone respects and listens to the manager. Can I simply ask the Minister what lessons he thinks the England team could teach this shambles of a Government?”

This one’s a little long winded. I also feel it could have been better the other way round (i.e. ‘what could the government learn from the England team?’) But, could be worse and its certainly topical.

ROAST RATING: TWO OUT OF FIVE

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Another go from Thornberry here at PMQs. More jabs at the Cabinet and Government more widly. All her roasts so far have been focused on government dismay, plenty of material to work with.

https://videoplayback.parliamentlive.tv/Player/Index/7ba73d45-f34d-4679-a138-c9c3fe2f0ac7?in=2018-07-11T12%3A10%3A34%2B01%3A00&out=2018-07-11T12%3A10%3A53%2B01%3A00&audioOnly=False&autoStart=False&statsEnabled=True

“May I ask the Minister once again the question I asked him at PMQs in December 2016, when he compared Labour’s shadow Cabinet to “Mutiny on the Bounty” remade by the “Carry On” team. By those standards, what would he describe his lot now as—perhaps “Reservoir Dogs” remade by the Chuckle Brothers?”

This is funny, fair play to whoever thought this one up. Turns out this isn’t even the first time the Chuckle Brothers have been mentioned in Parliament, it’s actually the fourth. Better stuff here from the Shadow Foreign Secratary.

ROAST RATING: THREE OUT OF FIVE

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David Lidington didn’t throw many banter punches in during his exchanges with Emily Thornberry, but he got one roast in right as the PMQs session started.

https://videoplayback.parliamentlive.tv/Player/Index/7ba73d45-f34d-4679-a138-c9c3fe2f0ac7?in=2018-07-11T12%3A03%3A35%2B01%3A00&out=2018-07-11T12%3A04%3A09%2B01%3A00&audioOnly=False&autoStart=False&statsEnabled=True

“Finally, I am sure that all Members, whichever part of the United Kingdom they come from, would join me in congratulating Gareth Southgate and the England team on their fantastic performance in the quarter-final on Saturday, and in wishing them the very best for this evening’s match against Croatia. I will happily buy the right hon. Member for Islington South and Finsbury (Emily Thornberry) a flag to help her to join in.”

Blink and you’ll miss it, this is a poke at Thonrberry’s resignation from her position as Shadow Attorney General in 2014 after posting a photograph of a house in Rochester adorned with England flags. Niche, but a fairly fire roast here.

ROAST RATING: THREE OUT OF FIVE

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That’s all the roasts we’ve got time for this week, all that remains is to crown our Roaster of the Week. As he may never have the chance to win this covetted acolade again, I have to give the innaugral Roaster of the Week award to Iain Duncan Smith.

My time may not be particulalry valuable, but it certainly is limited. If you’ve spotted a roast in Parliament that you think is worthy of being included in Roast of the Week, let me know by contacting me.

Bernard Jenkin weekly: No.11

Week 16 January – 22 January

In a week when Donald Trump was inaugurated as the 45th President of the United States, Theresa May outlined her negotiating objectives and a twelve point plan for Brexit in a speech at Lancaster House, and Jeremy Corbyn said he will order Labour MPs to vote in favour of triggering Article 50, what did Bernard Jenkin do?

Speeches and written questions

Mr Jenkin spoke twice in Parliament this week, both times on Thursday 19 January.

His first contribution was to raise the issue of the Supreme Court judgement due on 24 January on whether Parliament must vote on the triggering of Article 50. He suggested to the Leader of the House, David Lidington, that the government should make a statement to the House immediately following the judgement.

The Leader of the House replied that though he could make promises at that point about the timing of any statement, and that the implications of whatever the Supreme Court rules are of yet unknown, he agreed in principle with what Mr Jenkin suggested.

Later on the same day Mr Jenkin made his second contribution to the House of Commons.

He asked a question to the Prime Minister following her statement to the House on the previous weeks European Council meeting. He asked whether the UK would offer free trade in any deal it put forward to the EU in Brexit negotiations. The MP for Harwich and North Essex also asked in the same contribution if the Prime Minister would ask why anyone in the EU was suggesting a reversion back to protectionism.

The PM replied by saying Mr Jenkin was raising a very important issue but avoided the idea of offering free trade to EU negotiators, saying instead, “what we want to focus on is the outcome: the best possible deal in terms of trading with and operating within the European Union.”

Voting record

Mr Jenkin voted once this week on a deferred division.

On 19 January he voted: for approving the draft Combined Authorities (Mayoral Elections) Order 2017, which had first been laid before the house last November.

Select committees

Two of the committees Mr Jenkin sits on carried out oral evidence sessions this week, both on Friday 20 December.

Firstly the Public Administration and Constitutional Affairs Committee carried out a session in which they questioned Sir David Norgrove to scrutinise his suitability for Chairman of the UK Statistics Authority, for which he is the preferred candidate. As Chair of the committee, Mr Jenkin led the proceedings.

Later on the same day Mr Jenkin was part of a Liaison Committee hearing which put questions to the Prime Minister on two issues. Firstly on the main issue of Brexit, and secondly on health and social car spending.